Do Tampons Take Your Virginity? by Marie Simas | Book Review

Do Tampons Take Your Virginity?: A Catholic Girl's Memoir by Marie Simas
Genres: Memoir, Non-Fiction
Original Publication Date: 2010
Source: I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
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What happens when you grow up in an insane Catholic family? Surprisingly funny, Do Tampons Take Your Virginity shows readers the endurance it takes to survive in a stifling, abusive childhood. It’s an emotional roller coaster from start to finish, fiercely honest and sincere. From the very beginning, the author grapples with hilarious, uncomfortable situations, punctuated by episodes of childhood brutality. These stories will make you laugh out loud, and some will make you cry.

Do Tampons Take Your Virginity? A Catholic Girl’s Memoir by Marie Simas is a bittersweet account of her childhood and teenage years by the author.

When I first started reading this book, I thought that it was going to be a lighthearted account of growing up in a Portuguese Catholic family.

I thought that it might be harsh on the Catholic Church.

Marie Simas Grows Up With An Abusive Father

But it isn’t really so much about the Church, but rather about the fears and hypocrisies of some people living under Church doctrine, and old-world Portuguese values.

Her father was incredibly cheap in many ways — Marie almost never got new clothes — but always seemed to have the money to spend on family trips back to “the old country” — Portugal. Not being Catholic or Portuguese, I found the book to be very illuminating on how these values affected her family dynamics.

Simas grew up in a brutally violent home. Her father was abusive. The father continually rapes the mother — even while she’s dying of cancer. Because Marie simply doesn’t accept her father’s brutality towards herself or her mother, he beats her with a belt on a regular basis.

As Simas says:

At school, some of the guidance counselors suspected abuse. But my father worked for the school district, so none of them felt comfortable confronting him. They had to work with this asshole every day, and the teacher’s union was powerful back then. It’s doubtful that my father would have been reprimanded unless he was actually convicted of child abuse, and that was never going to happen.

What I like about Simas is that while she couldn’t escape the beatings, she refused to meekly accept it. Marie was always rebellious.

Do Tampons Take Your Virginity?

Despite parental warnings about sex, at fifteen she loses her virginity to the first boy who pays any attention to her. She misinterprets his physical affection as real love. Marie believes that he will take her away from her “miserable family.” He goes away. and she is devastated.

Simas touchingly recalls:

That night, I fell asleep as soon as it got dark outside. The sun set on my adolescence. Though I had experienced severe beatings, threats, and almost constant fear, nothing could compare to the pain I felt from lost love.

The father’s abuse and her first lover’s rejection affected Marie’s future relationships with men profoundly.

She becomes a “user” of men — something that she is not proud of today. She wanted to hurt men as they had hurt her — even nice men who actually cared for her. While Marie harshly judges those around her, she is equally hard on herself. She is being honest.

Final Analysis

Things I don’t like? Well, I don’t really like the title. It might make some people curious but might turn some potential readers off. The book is divided into short chapters that make the narrative seem a bit choppy instead of flowing into each other as a cohesive whole.

I may not agree with everything the author says, but I definitely understand where she is coming from.

I have a feeling that this book was a catharsis for the author; a way of exorcising her demons — her anger and despair. She also has a mordant sense of humor that probably saved her life. You may find yourself crying one minute and laughing the next.

This book is brutally honest. Be prepared. There is marital rape, brutal child abuse, and strong sexuality.

You can read an interesting review of this book on The Overeducated Housewife.

To read another great book on a troubled childhood, please read my review of Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller.

Thank you for reading The Literary Lioness!